HOW IMPORTANT ARE FEMALE ORGASMS REALLY?

Female Orgasm: Much Ado about Nothing?

Men will never cease to try to understand their female counterparts, and when it comes to areas of sexual intimacy, their interest is always piqued. The pride of every man is to be able to satisfy his woman, the majority are not stingy in this regard. The indication of sexual conquest as far as men are concerned is for the woman to have an orgasm. To this end, many will take enhancing drinks, drugs and different aphrodisiacs. Those that are confident will just thrust away until the woman achieves it or achieves a semblance of it. What most have not considered is to ask the women themselves what they want, and when we did, the results were very enlightening.

What is an orgasm?

Before we ask the women, it is important that we understand what an orgasm is.  Meston described an orgasm as

a variable, transient peak sensation of intense pleasure, creating an altered state of consciousness, usually with an initiation accompanied by involuntary, rhythmic contractions of the pelvic striated circumvaginal musculature, often with concomitant uterine and anal contractions, and myotonia that resolves the sexually induced vasocongestion and myotonia, generally with an induction of well-being and contentment. 

What he is trying to say is that an orgasm is that peak achieved during an arousal that culminates in various involuntary muscle contractions, release of chemicals that create a pleasurable feeling and promote a feeling of gratification. As someone aptly described it, it is comparable to when something ticklish irritates your nostrils and a sneeze starts building up, and you suck up air like twice or three times in anticipation of that pleasurable relief that usually follows it, before finally letting the sneeze out, then you become overcome with the relief and a feeling of wellness and its all over.

How Common is it to Achieve an Orgasm?

Studies have shown that about 33.33% of women find it difficult to have an orgasm, and a large percentage of the rest will need between 20 to 30% of sexual activity to achieve one. Those who do may not always achieve it no matter how long the man acts, depending on their state of mind and other factors that we may be mentioning later. Of those that find it difficult to reach an orgasm or have never achieved it before, they should see a gynaecologist as there may be an underlying medical condition responsible for it. For many of them, however, there may be no cause at all. In parts of the world where female circumcision is carried out, the clitoris, which is the female equivalent of the male glans as regards sensation, is usually cut off, meaning a lot more work will have to be done to achieve an O if ever it would be achieved.

Is it Healthy Focusing on Getting an Orgasm?

Should men go the extra mile to ensure their woman gets an O? Focusing on getting an O has the following disadvantages:

1. It places a lot of stress on the relationship.
2. It is distracting, as the couple forget about making love and are rather working to achieve their           fancied utopia.
3. It leads to low self-esteem in the man as he sees himself as being inadequate.
4. It makes sexual intercourse tedious and tasking.
5. It may lead to experimenting with other sexual partners, resulting in infidelity and broken                   marriages.

So is it really worth it?

How Importantly, do Women Rate Getting an Orgasm?

Various studies have proven that the most important thing to a woman during sexual intercourse is >>> wait for it>>> very simple indeed. Most women responded that the feeling of being connected with, loved, and appreciated was the most gratifying part of the act. If the O comes, it is an added bonus; an icing on the cake. There you have it! Instead of concentrating on blowing her mind off with your performance, concentrate on pouring a lot of love and passion into what you are doing. Women are better than men in reading body language.  You do not have to shout “I love you!” during the act. She can feel it in how delicately you handle her. A few whispers now and then may confirm this for her, but always ensure that you really focus on making love.

Tips That May Help

Does it now mean that menfolk should forget about making their women have an O?
 No.
Do not just  focus on it. Do not make it a yardstick for measuring your performance and do do not use it to assess the health of your sex life. The following tips may assist you in actually giving her that icing on the cake:

1. Make her feel comfortable and relaxed. Make the environment right. Women always want to feel         safe and protected during the act. The more relaxed she is, the more the likelihood of her                   achieving an O.
2. As the man, you have to free your mind. Engage all of your senses. Put in a lot of passion.                 Concentrate on the love you have for her. She will feel the vibes and that natural psychic                     connection that follows the passion and makes verbal communication secondary. Even if you do         not give her the O, she will feel appreciated, happy and relaxed after the act.
3. Make it legal. Guilt is a major factor in preventing an orgasm. Wherever the guilt comes from             from either of you, it will impede an O. It may be that one or the both of you are religious and           are doing it extra-maritally, or one or both of you are married to someone else, or is officially             going out with someone else, or is keeping something from the other.
4. Work on trust. Keep the off-the-bed aspect of your love life as clean and transparent as possible.         Women have a way of having sex without putting their souls into it when they are suspicious             about you. To them, sometimes the act is just a duty they have to put up with. Work on the                 cloudy areas of your relationship. Discuss. Keep things as open as possible and when it comes           to gratification of the love, the passion will truly flow.
5. Explore. Vary your sexual acts. Vary the venue. Vary the position. Explore every aspect of each           other’s body. Remember that the penis does not really rub the clitoris is most sexual positions             except for women with extraordinarily long clits, so you may have to keep your fingers busy as           well. Vary the time as well, it doesn’t always have to be in the midnight. Make use of when the           children are away to do it wherever you want. Also start making your intentions known hours             before the act by stealing a touch in sensitive areas occasionally, thereby priming her for the               main thing.
6. Build on intimacy. Touching each other does not always have to lead to intercourse. Learn to               cuddle, kiss passionately, take baths together, bathe each other etc. Become comfortable with the         sexuality of each other. These lead to a strong sexual attraction building up between the both of           you and a feeling of always being comfortable around each other.
7. Build on your self confidence. You just have to let go of self doubt in your ability to satisfy your         woman. If you have a demanding partner who always complains about your performance, this             may be difficult. If there are conditions responsible for your poor performance, see your GP               who should treat or refer you appropriately. Mask your weakness with a longer foreplay.                     Remember the emphasis is on the duration of sexual activity not in the time spent after                       intromission. Cultivate the habit of seeing sex therapists. Most people will need them at one               point or the other during their lifetime.

Read more about premature ejaculation here

8. Communicate. Let your partner know what he is doing right and what you do not like. Do not             use body language alone; talk, whisper, moan, cry, giggle, laugh, it’s all part of the act. Let him           know when you don’t want him to stop something. Help each other in improving.

You may like to know that:

1. Sexual satisfaction may not come from penetrative sex alone. Studies have shown that about               80% of women find it difficult to have an O from vaginal intercourse alone. Some will need               manual or lingual stimulation.
2. The clitoris is not the only point of focus. It is almost always the most sensitive, but many                 women find it annoying when you just go straight there. Do not also concentrate too much on it,         some find it painful and it can be a real turn-off.
3. An O may not be dependent on the performance of the man. Some women actually suffer from           sexual disorders which may be secondary to systemic illnesses like diabetes, thyroid diseases, or         psychological disorders like depression or a past bad sexual experience.
4. Condoms do not affect orgasms. Studies that compared groups of people that used and did not             use a condom found no disparities in the results.
5. Orgasms can occur without a sexual encounter. Women have reported having orgasms from the           most unexpected of situations.

6. And very importantly, most women need about 20 minutes of sexual activity to have an O.

Conclusion

It is compulsory to ensure that the sex is not always about the man for a healthy relationship, hence the need to seek knowledge on pleasing your partner. Nothing can be too bad to read or see if it is to improve your act. The orgasm may not be the most important, but sexual satisfaction is. Women can be satisfied and pleased with you even if you rarely give them an O. For her that insists, communicate, let her tell you what pleases her. It is also important to know that almost everybody exaggerates their sexual prowess, so if you judge your husband based on what your friends are saying, you will realize that you will just end up sampling different men looking for that superman to give you the supersex. Just concentrate on working to help each other improve and it will be worth it at the end.