WHO REALLY IS A VIRGIN? HOW CAN YOU TELL?

Must all Virgins bleed?

I saw this post on Lindaikejis blog last week about a girl celebrating her virginity at 27 and it  got a lot of people talking. I read with amusement the comments of people on the blog and on Abiyamo’s Facebook page and I wondered, who really is a virgin, and would bleeding at first intercourse on her wedding night vindicate the lady. Will all virgins truly bleed? There is no way to discuss the issue of virginity without putting into concept the religious and cultural perspectives of the people because these are the things that actually make virginity such a big deal.

Who is a virgin?

One of my favourite dictionaries, the Merriam-Webster dictionary, in one of its numerous definitions, defines a virgin (in the context of what we are discussing) as an ABSOLUTELY chaste young woman (emphasis mine). My other favourite dictionary, the Oxford Dictionaries defines it as a person who has never had sexual intercourse. In these and several other dictionaries you will find synonyms like untouched, unspoilt, untainted, untarnished, unadulterated, pure, immaculate, pristine, flawless etc.

Now sexual intercourse means different things to different people. A sexual intercourse is an intimacy between two people either of different or the same sex for the purpose of pleasure, reproduction, religious rite, etc. It can be in the form of the traditional penetration of the male organ into that of the female, or it can be in the form of an anal, oral, or manual (fingering) intercourse, use of sex toys and dolls, or mutual masturbation. Researchers and sexologist have defined a term “technical virginity” to describe a female whose hymen is still intact, as this is the only physical proof of virginity. A person can therefore technically be a virgin, but in reality, she is not. Fortunately, in all references I checked, kissing and fondling were not mentioned. That would have significantly reduced those that can actually call themselves virgins.

The Hymen

Sometimes I wonder why God placed a hymen over the introitus of the female and did not do something similar in males. The hymen is very symbolic and it is no surprise that even in societies that are not so concerned about religion, it’s breakage still carries a lot of significance.

It is a thin an delicate membrane that is found just inside the vulva. It may be in different forms with some being a uniformly continuous thin layer, some being fenestrated, but the normal one has just enough perforation to allow for normal menstrual flow as seen in the image.

Must a virgin bleed?

Now we can conveniently answer this question. And the answer is NO! In medical school, we were taught that when answering true or false questions and you come across questions with words like “must” or “always”, if you are not sure of the answer and you want to make a guess, false is most likely the answer. Here, however, we are sure of the answer and we will give some reasons why this may be so.

The hymen as we have said earlier is fragile and can be broken without the female feeling any pain. The following have been reported as reported to have broken the hymen.

Strenuous activities like cycling, horse riding, high/long jumps, gymnastics, choreography and energetic dances etc.

Accidents.

Female genital mutilation.

Medical procedures like having to medically perform a hymenotomy (creating an opening in the hymen) to make an imperforate hymen to allow for menstruation

Abuse during childhood; as researches in the field are yet to come to an agreement as to whether assaulting of little girls who may not even understand what is being done to them can be categorized as losing their virginity.

Some people have reported a congenital absence of the hymen, but there is no medical backing for this as at the time of writing this article. It has also been reported that adequate lubrication may not make some thin hymens break during the first intercourse and pregnant women have been seen to come into labour with their hymens intact and finally broken by the process of labour.

She Bled!

Congrats! That may please you, but she knows you were not the first. This makes the issue of virginity warped sometimes and explains why more and more people are taking the importance off it. As explained earlier, some hymens may necessarily not be broken by the first intercourse especially with adequate lubrication and depending on the type of hymen and the physicality of the intercourse. Sometimes it may only be partially broken and you only just came to complete the job. Then, in this age of medical advancement, doctors can refashion a hymen for you, and it is not that difficult a procedure to do. Shebi the koko na to bleed on your first night, you go bleed na. E go cost you small sha.

Conclusion

So really, there is no way to know if a woman is really a virgin by the religious definition of it, except she tells you she had never had any form of sexual relationship with someone else and you believe her. Technically, she can be proved to be a virgin. She may not fit into the technical definition but still be chaste. She may convince herself that she is a virgin, while by her acts, she is not. This post is just to educate, as unbiasedly as possible, on the issue of virginity. I am not here to be judgemental. I think it’s a matter of choices. The lady in question made a mistake by making it public, thereby making it other peoples affair, so she can really not complain about the backlash and hateful comments she got. In this liberal world we live in, I think virgins are brave and should be commended, but please make it a secret between you, your God and your man.